Disclaimer: This is a serious work (called satire) on not-so-much serious stuff. If you laugh or chuckle while reading this piece, Surkhiyan will not be responsible.
In ancient times, it was Ali Baba & Forty thieves, now its Punjab Government & 38 spokespersons.
On May 29, 2019, Punjab Government issued a historical notification of appointment of 38 spokespersons.
Information Minister Punjab Samsam Bukhari hesitantly told that the provincial government is not to be blamed for this as the decision has been taken on Prime Minister Imran Khan’s directions. Obviously, who else can take such an extraordinary U-turn?
Taking a U-turn on his tall claims against VIP culture and “serving the loyalists”, the Prime Minister added up another record in his book “Imran Khan’s Self-proclaimed achievements”, a party member revealed anonymously.
“This appointment of 38 spokespersons was inspired by Ali Baba & Forty Thieves story, however, the names of the remaining two spokespersons are kept secret and will be revealed in case people like Fayaz ul Hassan Chohan needed any replacement in future”, one of the 38 spokespersons revealed secretly. We have taken safety measures in advance for people like him, he further revealed.
According to the secret source, the ‘Trainee Minister’ would be the Ali Baba of this story, and the twist is that the duty of all 38 spokespersons would not be to kill him, but to protect him. Just in case the trainee minister fails to answer any sensible question asked by the media or the high-ups (If someone tries to ask him a sensible question) or says anything not worth saying, the spokespersons would be defending him just as the party defends Imran Khan on literally anything, he says.
“The trainee minister needed lot of training in order to be an experienced chief minister Punjab and that is why Prime Minister appointed 38 spokespersons to guide him as soon as possible,” another one of 38 spokesperson revealed. Some mock sessions are also expected in this regard in future, he added.
The source further revealed that different spokespersons have also been assigned for other trainings of the minister including making him learn talking manners, dressing sense, to not reveal that he is a trainee minister yet and many more.
In addition, one of the reasons for appointing so many spokespersons is that there were so many jobless people within Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf. “Out of those so many jobless people have got the jobs now”, Federal Minister for Water Resources Faisal Vawda said. “Out of 1 million, 99 lakh, 99 thousand and 962 jobs are left only”, he added.