Disclaimer: This is a serious work (called satire) on not-so-much serious stuff. If you laugh or chuckle while reading this piece, Surkhiyan will not be responsible.
Punjab Assembly Speaker Chaudhry Pervaiz Elahi has (half-heartedly) denied the reports (published nowhere) that he has plans to replace Chief Minister Usman Buzdar or Prime Minister Imran Khan. He said he believes both are working in the best interest of the nation.
Learning lessons from the crushed hope of his Chaudhry bhai – Chaudhry Nisar – who was about to replace Buzdar only on the front pages of national newspapers, the Chaudhry of Gujrat felt it appropriate to issue the denial of his likely elevation as chief minister or prime minister.
When asked, if he was being considered as the replacement of Buzdar or Imran, sources close to Mr Elahi said he wished that he be considered as their replacement, and at the end of the day, he would refuse to replace them.
Recently, newspapers reported that Chaudhry Nisar was going to take the oath and replace Buzdar as chief minister. Initially, these stories grabbed the front page of newspapers, and huge airtime but later when Imran Khan issued a strong denial, the rumours were never denied.
“Mr Elahi also wants such coverage for himself,” said the sources close to him.
“This way, talk show hosts are after you; several MPAs and MNAs who otherwise ignore you starts pestering you. One almost starts feeling like a CM or PM, even if there’s no remote chance for them to become CM.”
At a press talk with Punjab Assembly beat reporters, Mr Elahi said he did not want to become a CM or PM, because the system was working well now.
“You see we want first Moonis Elahi to become a federal minister. Once this objective is achieved, we will wait and see,” he said. Off the record he said many things, which implied when a crisis hits the government, they would become the ultimate choice of the power to be.
“The system is working well. Let’s not be in a hurry. The Imran government is not in a hurry. They (pointing fingers upward) are also not in a hurry. So, let us bury the issue for a while or maybe for good four years.”
The statement by the House of Gujrat triggered speculations in the political circles.
Governor Chaudhry Sarwar said he was happy with the post of the governorship, and he did not want to become the chief minister.
Later, Foreign Minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi also issued a statement that he had no intention to become a chief minister.
“If Imran Khan makes me chief minister, I’ll have no choice but to accept it.” His last sentence has panicked the house of Jahangir Tareen.