Disclaimer: This is a serious work (called satire) on not-so-much serious stuff. If you laugh or chuckle while reading this piece, Surkhiyan will not be responsible.
At a three-hour long press conference, the director general of a private security in Lahore has asked labour unions to come up with at least new poetry, if not themes, in Labour Day rallies or face ban.
Retired Captain Wasif Majboor, the director general of the Internal Security Providers Company, told a press conference on Wednesday the labour unions, who remained idle and inactive the whole year, were to work only on May 1, the Labour Day, but they seemed ill-prepared for this day too.
“I’ve got reports from all over Pakistan that the over-repeated, ghissa pittaand meaningless verses were recited at rallies by the leaders, who have been addressing these rallies for decades,” the visibly shaken Majboor told the gathering. He said he would recommend the government to ban this sher, which according to him, was read out at least 2, 350 times in Punjab alone on May 1, with an immediate effect.
Reciting this sher, the director general waved his fist, smiled and said: Your time is up. He repeated, “Your time is up.”
When asked by a brave reporter that in what capacity he had called the press conference and how come he was calling the shots, at which the director general smiled, and appreciated the positive role of media.
“Look, we get inspiration from our institutions and media,” he said, without offering further explanation.
Continuing with his sermon, the director general, who was earlier just a manager of his recently-established company, said labourers should change the themes of their rallies too.
“Stop crying about bhook or low wages,” he thundered.
“I know you never sleep hungry. Haven’t you seen the oversized bellies of your union leaders?”
The director general also spoke at length on the importance of smart working, and not hard work.
“With smart work, and a little investment, you can develop towns and industrial estates.”
He also criticized Nasa’s Black Hole image, which was recently released.
“Before you release the image, you had better tell us about your source of funding. Unless the source is funding is clear, you should not
Also, the director general of the private company appreciated the new local government law, and the law would help Pakistan improve its exports, and ties with Japan and Germany.
Reacting to the press conference, several labour unions leaders appreciated the concerns of the director general and said they demanded that the government, civil society and all labourers burn mid-night oil to find new shers for the May 1 rallies.
Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari, however, released a song on social media, where he is seen singing the under fire sher.