Disclaimer: This is a serious work (called satire) on not-so-much serious stuff. If you laugh or chuckle while reading this piece, Surkhiyan will not be responsible.
Reacting strongly to falling revenues, pharmaceutical companies manufacturing painkillers have threatened to stop investments in Pakistan if the government does not ban, what they say, the lethal practice of ‘TAKOOR’ in the families of Punjab, in particular, and across Pakistan, in general.
“The only way to ensure that we keep on working and not a single pharmacy is closed down and doctors are not out of job, is that the government takes strict measures on ‘TAKOOR’”, said Tab Painful, the representative of pharmaceutical companies, while shedding tears with pain at a press conference on Saturday. He explained that since the government was installed, they saw multiple increases in pains in the public, but on the other hand, their sales had dropped.
“We hired surveyors, and researchers, who have reported that the usage of ‘TAKOOR’ has increased among the public. This is unethical, non-medical and illegal and tantamount to quackery,” he cried.
When a reporter, who did not look like a burger, asked Mr. Painful to explain what the ‘TAKOOR’ was, the reporters first laughed and then cried.
Mr. Painful could not help laughing too.
“This is for the first time, I’ve smiled in the last 10 months,” he said, and later on he explained to non-burger looking reporter that the ‘TAKOOR’ is a method to mitigate the pain of injury or muscle pull through applying a warm piece of stone, bread, lotion, cloth or sponge wet with warm water on the body.
When the reporter still showed the signs of not getting what he was saying, Mr Painful, who was so far crying in English accent, turned to Punjabi and said, “Puttar, tere te dimagh dee ‘TAKOOR’ honr wali hey (my son, your brain needs thrashing).”
Mr. Painful demanded ‘TAKOOR’ be banned before the budget, otherwise, they would be forced to close down operations.