Disclaimer: This is a serious work (called satire) on not-so-much serious stuff. If you laugh or chuckle while reading this piece, Surkhiyan will not be responsible.
Insisting he is more is a scientist and technologist than an MNA or PTI worker, newly-inducted Science and Technology Minister Fawad Chaudhry defiantly claimed on Friday that he does not believe in Newton’s laws of motions, calling them a product of muk muka between the scientist and the scientist community of that time.
“Who does not know this big secret that an object will remain at rest or in uniform motion in a straight line unless acted upon by an external force,” he said at the maiden press conference at his new office on Friday.
“What Newton sahib has revealed a secret here which is not known to us? Even a class eight student knows this fact. Even if someone doesn’t know this law, it doesn’t make any difference to their lives,” he reasoned.
When asked why Newton’s laws of motions had gained the worldwide recognition and approval, the scientist Chaudhry said that it was because of the corruption of Nawaz Sharif and Asif Zardari.
“You know Zardaris and Sharifs are symbols of status quo. The same is with these laws. That’s why I urge the National Accountability Bureau to initiate a probe into Newton’s laws and his assets too,” the firebrand minister said in a smiling tone.
Sources will never tell you but Surkhiyan is proud to reveal this that Prime Minister Imran Khan decided to make Fawad Chaudhry science and technology minister since the day he shocked the world with his research on the fuel consumption of a chopper from Banigala to Prime Minister Office.
He says the chopper consumes fuel Rs55 per mile. His discovery sent shockwaves in the aeronautical industry and they checked their working again and again and at last, reached the conclusion the angels of Banigala were flying the chopper of the prime minister.
When asked where these odd scientific things came to him from, the experienced minister said he had learned these things while being in the PML-Q, PPP, PTI and now close to QHG.
He also praised himself for being the ‘greatest’ and ‘the most-informed information minister of all time’. He said he never sought any information from any subordinate or any department.
About his spoken communications and tweets, Fawad Chaudhry seriously and defiantly claimed that she did not know what he was going to speak about and where the voice came from when he opened his mouth at a press conference or started composing a tweet.
“No one can control words. Neither you nor me. Not even Imran Khan. Even my leader never plans when he is going to say something. When we open our mouths, words start coming out and out automatically.”
More precisely, I read next day newspapers and watch a few talk-shows to see what I said, and why.
“Sometimes, it’s abhorrent to see that the press questions my motives, which I never had. All I know is that when I open my mouth, the people in front of me start laughing or try to suppress their laughter.”