Walking though the lobby of a co college I saw a couple hugging and kissing in the corridor. It was so absurd for me not because of the PDA moment but because my mind did not register the very scene at an educational institute. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not judging anyone. It’s their prime youth years and when you put girls and boys in the same place, attraction and infatuation is bound to happen and it’s natural. But the point to ponder is that if you ask the girl or the boy they’d tell you two different stories of the same scenario.
An inquiry was set (not initiated by me) on the boy as their video became viral and brought the institute in bad light. So much so that the admissions and the college’s environment both were negatively affected. The girl had already broken up with the guy amidst all the viral footages and word of mouth that travelled like fire.
But I had a detailed chat with the girl. She is one of our relative’s daughter and one of the most intelligent and vibrant souls I know. However, the incident had left her in utter shock. It was hard to break the silence. She had developed trust issues and was not ready to talk to anyone. Then upon me saying; “I can understand what you are going through and it’s alright its ok I love you the same,” she busted in tears. I consoled her and let her say things at her own ease.
She said everyone thought I broke up with the guy because of the videos that went viral but no one ever asked me what actually happened. By this time I was furious and my blood had boiled to the core. I thought this might have been a case of harassment that got projected as an affair. But out came a few words from her that left me speechless. She said; “I loved him and am not ashamed of it. But once the videos came out he told me that he was just having FUN and even a long term relationship is not on his cards let alone marriage.”
A part of me wanted to slap her lol I admit. But then I thought of her age. What else do you expect out of a 17 year old? My question is; was she really aware of what LOVE is? Or is she fascinated by the very feeling of being in Love?
Every year we hear stories that shake us to the core. From harassment to sex tapes to rapes and what not. But we are so into saving our own Asses that we tend to name and shame those involved (even the victim) but we run away from confrontation. We never try and figure out the root cause. All we care for is to somehow avoid the awkward discussion. Abandoned those involved and outcast them. That’s it. Little do we care that it’s ok to hate the crime but totally not ok to start hating human beings. Humans who are prone to make mistakes just like all of us.
I am no expert but I think at the grass root level, we need to raise awareness regarding emotional health and well being, we need to teach our sons that no woman including their mothers and blood relations are their property. We need to teach our daughters that looks, physique and skin colour are secondary to the power of knowledge, wisdom and formal education. We need to realize that “upbringing” or “tarbiyat” is not about coercion, rather it is about inculcating the moral sense of right and wrong in the hearts and minds of our future generation.
Unfortunately the social equilibrium in Pakistan is so disturbed and screwed that a whole set of our female population is being brought up to fancy being loved by the RIGHT man as the ultimate goal. This is exactly why men of our society consider it a big favour for the women they choose to partner with or marry. They in their subconscious have already developed a pre dispositioned idea about DEFINING a certain role for the women of the society. This is why we blame the rape victim and not the accused. This is why boys have turned so rowdy. And that’s why we as a nation are unable to progress.
Anyways I can go on and on but the bottom line is to stop saying; “this is our culture” “boys will be boys” “girls must abide by the societal rules and regulations or else be the victims” INSTEAD we need to start saying “this is where it runs out of our culture, this is where we lay foundations to a new culture.” “Boys will not be boys, boys will be better human beings and even better dads, brothers and husbands” “girls are free when it comes to choice of personal, professional or social life.”
And most importantly that LOVE is a big word. Disney and Bollywood together might have presented a rosy picture but a long-term relationship is less of fantasy and more of companionship. That when you hold the hands of a girl you must never leave, that your intensions both as a male or female must be pure and honest and that RELATIONSHIPS should not be made a JOKE or be titled in a haste. Everything beautiful develops with time and that the sanctity of educational institutes must be respected and honoured. And that it’s absolutely BETTER to be single rather than be in a relationship just because EVERYONE else is. Lol.
Cheers and Peace!!