Disclaimer: This is a serious work (called satire) on not-so-much serious stuff. If you laugh or chuckle while reading this piece, Surkhiyan will not be responsible.
IN yet another bailout package discussions between Pakistan and the International Monetary Fund (IMF), either side has agreed to bail out Pakistan’s ailing economy till another bailout package is discussed, Surkhiyan has learned.
“The first option before going to the IMF was suicide,” said smiling Finance Minister Asad Umar at a Thursday night news briefing at the Pakistan Embassy in Washington. He did not say that they are going to preserve that option for another election speech, the minister, however, said that was the last bailout package, the government was going to avail. Perhaps he meant that in 2019, this would be the only bailout package.
“During the last two days, we have, more or less, reached an understanding,” he explained, triggering a debate among psychologists working on the modern theories of ‘understanding between a lender, and a loan getter. “This is a groundbreaking news for all the psychologists who earlier thought that creating understanding on monetary issues is a complex and time taking process; no, it’s so simple and a two-day activity,” said the American Psychology Association spokesperson with baffled looks.
“In the next day or two, we hope to reach a full agreement and then we will share the details with you,” the finance minister said. When pressed to share a few details for the media consumption, the minister said the good news is that bailout package would bail the ailing economy of us; the bad news is that it will be short-lived.
When would be the bailout cheque ready?
The minister said the cheque would be ready in next few weeks. What will happen before that?
“In the next step, the IMF will send its mission to Pakistan in the next few weeks to work out technical details. But in principle, we have reached an agreement,” he said.
“In such matters, understanding is more important than cheques,” he lectured on ‘understanding’ theories.
The minister is nowadays listening to folk music; in earlier days of the government, he was taking inspiration from Junaid Jamshed’s national songs.
“By and by, I’ve reached the conclusion that folk music is a must to get inspiration for economic issues,” he explained, before singing a dhamal kaafee of Abida Perveen.
Before the news briefing, the finance minister addressed the Pakistani-American community at the embassy, explaining why the country needs a bailout package.
“A bailout package is necessary to the country as much as folk music is to a minister dealing with the economy,” he concluded the speech.