Disclaimer: This is a serious work (called satire) on not-so-much serious stuff. If you laugh or chuckle while reading this piece, Surkhiyan will not be responsible.
Under-training Chief Minister Usman Buzdar was still under the influence of lassi and paratha feast served to him at Sehri, when his advisors tutored him on how to condemn a blast, and our sources said that chief minister learned the art within 10 minutes, which shows he is not a slow learner.
The scourage of terrorism struck a police van outside Lahore’s patron saint Data Sahib early on Tuesday.
“Sir, you need to condemn the blast,” an advisor was caught as having whispered to the chief minister.
“But how? Tell me.”
Mr Buzdar was told to say that he strongly condemned the blast that he needed to say sacrifices given by the Pakistani army and the nation against terrorism would certainly bear fruit.
At this, he repeated three times: I strongly condemn the blast.
The chief minister asked the team to make sure that these words had not been said by his predecessors.
This panicked the advisors. They consulted each other and a few reporters, experts on table story beat, who helped them save the day.
He was told to say that he had ordered the departments concerned to investigate into the blast and prepare a thorough report on the incident.
“Yes, but I haven’t instructed any department on anything, so how can I say so?” he asked the chief advisor.
“Sir, the departments concerned will read your statement tomorrow in newspapers, and the story would convey them your strong instructions,” said one of the advisors.
The chief minister told reporters he strongly condemned the blast near the vehicle of the elite force outside Data Darbar.
When he was talking to reporters at the blast scene, the chief minister also said he expressed a deep sense of sorrow over the death of citizens and police officials and “I extend sympathies to the bereaved heirs”.
When the chief the minister was asked to say that ‘I will personally monitor the progress on the blast case investigation, Mr Buzdar said how could he personally monitor everything when his schedule was so tight.
Mr Buzdar said (on his own) that investigation agencies would soon trace the case.
Investigation agencies, however, were clueless about the chief minister’s desire.
Once the chief minister strongly condemned the attack, his media team issued the press release to the media.